First and foremost, I’ll admit it! I was lazy!

The end of the school year was closing in, and I let that become an excuse for me to become complacent. I told myself I was too tired. I told myself there was no time. However, my ‘exhaustion’ is inherently linked with my enthusiasm, and both reflect upon my work ethic. As for time, I made time to play 100+ hours of Persona 5 despite final exams. There is no excuse for me to make about time.

((I finished it though, with fulls stats and all the non-party social links, praise me))

I could make a case for my inconsistency in the past week due to moving out of my dorm and a long, taxing flight from Boston to Seoul, but had I been the responsible individual I aspire to be, I would have made posts in advance. It’s really not even an excuse, more a consolation, ahaha.

So I’ve admitted it. I acknowledge it. Now, the only question is, how will I improve upon it? In regards to that, I’ve decided that I am going to use this summer vacation to its full advantage.

Now, you might ask, “But internet stranger, how do you plan to do that?” and I assure you, I have an answer:

I have no clue.

I have maybe the first hints of a clue? Like, I’m holding an index card, but the handwriting is bad and I’m not even sure it’s English, but there seem to be two columns of numbers that could possibly be ingredients, so it’s probably a recipe?  Maybe?? The maybe-recipe is the clue. The handwriting is about how much hint I have.

My parents undoubtedly think that this summer would best be spent on an internship, something resume-building that will prepare me for a strong career in the future. I know several of my peers have opted for summer jobs for additional income before the school year kicks off again. Both of those are reasonable routes which would certainly help assure my security in the future.

But still, an internship, a summer job – it’s true that experiences shape a person. However, when it comes to a work setting, responsibility, I’ve had those experiences already. Such experiences are already incorporated into the person I am today, still lacking in work ethic.

This past year and a half since I started this blog, I’ve come to realize that more than anything, I am my own worst enemy. I am incredibly fortunate, and I recognize that, to not have circumstantial obstacles towards my aspirations. At the same time, because the sole obstacle to my happiness is myself, I struggle deeply to overcome it. How does one defeat an enemy who knows each of your vices, each of your insecurities? The struggle with this is that to achieve my personal brand of happiness, I must overcome myself.

Become better than myself, or all that cliche stuff. They make it sound so cool in stories, but typing it out in reality feels kind of silly, honestly. All the same, that’s what I’ll have to do. So what is there to be done?

There are a lot of things that are out of my control right now, such as eating three healthy meals a day (no choice over food) or exercising (injured foot), but there are still things that I can do that were once important to me and I still want to keep important to me. I can polish up my dream diary, start keeping that regular journal I told myself that I would. I can recommit to this blog.

I can finish a story.

And I know those sound typical, and I’ve made those promises before, but the difference is that this summer, I have time. If at college I have freedom of scheduling, in summer, I have more time in exchange for that freedom. So if anything, vacation’s going to be a long exercise in willpower.

I would write more, but I’m actually psyched up to get started, so I guess that’s what I’ll go do.