Introspection · Update · Writing Process

Commitment vs. Reconsideration

As a reminder, Wednesdays are for creative work and Saturdays are for everything else, including blog updates. However, seeing as this post regards a story of mine, particularly my attempt at a chronologically updating online story Crossing the Line, I thought it fitting to post it today.

I struggle a lot with commitment. I start projects endlessly, never finish them. I decide on to read or play something and get distracted. I say I’ll show up to an event – and I do! – but I realize last minute that I would rather do something else. Even my hobbies and interests, I get incredibly invested and keep going until I burn out.

The one consistency in my life has been a passion for creative writing. That’s how I know that this is something that I genuinely want to do.

For this purpose, one of the reasons I started this blog was to keep myself accountable, so that I actually do make a habit of writing. I starting posting a novel idea, Crossing the Line, because I thought that making it publicly available would keep me accountable. And because of who I am as a person, when evidence started showing up that this was not the case, I began to think “No, this is just me trying to convince myself to give up on a commitment again.”

I have difficulty determining for myself when I should stick with a commitment and when I should reconsider. This is often because I am very, very good at making up excuses to be lazy and making myself believe it. If I don’t remain vigilant and question my own motivations, I won’t get anything done at all, and I won’t even feel guilty about it because I’ve justified it to myself.

However, in this particular instance, I think I’ve genuinely learned something about myself as both a person and an aspiring writer.

Initially, Crossing the Line was a story I didn’t care about. It was just for fun, and because of that, I thought I could easily just post it online to the public without a care, using it as an exercise to keep myself writing in a steady, chronological order. However, now it is the novel that I aim to publish first. Unexpectedly, this silly excuse for a murder story has become something with meaning and a message, and because of that, the idea of posting its unpolished rough draft has become daunting.

I realized this quite early on, but I was still unsure whether this was truth or a lie I was telling myself to get out of yet another self-imposed obligation. To figure it out, I decided to try continuing my draft without the dread of posting it to this blog in a dissatisfying state. My writer’s block has all but vanished.

And so, for the sake of this story, I have determined that I should stop promising to upload Crossing the Line to this blog. It was a worthy commitment, but for the sake for the story – and this blog! – I need to let it go.  The reason I missed so many Wednesday posts or used poetry as filler is also because I was hoping to post Crossing the Line before I do anything new. Clearly that didn’t work out, and I have now realized that it would never work out. If anything, my attempts to cling to a commitment that wasn’t working had become an excuse for further procrastination.

After some thought, I have decided that, seeing as I have some time this summer, I will come of with a lighter story, without so much heavy meaning, that I will post online instead. I do not yet know what the replacement will be, but in this way I hope to revitalize my commitment to this blog over the summer without compromising my comfort or the quality of my hopeful manuscript.

I hope you look forward to it, and I thank everyone for their support as I drag myself down the long, long road to publication.

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3 thoughts on “Commitment vs. Reconsideration

  1. Sabes, honestly this is me with Crowns and Scepters. Honestly it’s super hard to keep consistent with your writing after the glory of finishing the first chapter.

    Personally, what helps me (as a person who’s never posted my writing, haha) is to stop seeing my writing as a passion project or a fun side hobby, but as homework. Write for 30 minutes a day at a set time just like you’d write an essay on the impacts of WW2. Passion doesn’t mean anything unless you have a product.

    Still, I could use some other methods to get myself writing. Do you have any go-to tips?

    Like

    1. Ahaha, my problem with Crossing the Line specifically was that by deciding to post it online, I was putting unnecessary pressure on myself about getting it right in the rough draft. I’m having an easier time of it now that I’ve decided to pull it for a more traditional publishing route.

      In my case, I would write an essay on the impacts of WWII about five hours before the essay is due, so that’s not a good approach for me either, ahaha.

      My primary method to get myself writing is to just remind myself that I like writing. No one’s making me write. I’m doing it because I want to, so why aren’t I doing it?

      Because I don’t want to? Foolish, then you never would have started anyway.

      Since my main issue is primarily boredom and or willpower, my tactics involve a lot of psyching myself up, reminding me that no one in the world can write my story but myself, that if I don’t write it, the rest of the world will never get to know the story. Things like that.

      Maybe I’ll write a more in-depth post on personal methods though, so stay tuned!

      Like

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