Introspection · Poems

Poetry: High Negativity

((I meant to seriously return to the short story challenge this week, but I’ve had a rough last few days of the semester. No one in my surroundings would know that, actually, but in the comfort of my blog, I can admit to it, and I can learn to live with it. Writing what I feel helps me to process, and through that, I can learn to deal with stress better in the future, so here we go!))

((EDIT: I’ve gotten four messages asking if I am alright and I am. The poems are so strongly worded because I am venting. I recover from a depressive mood more quickly if I luxuriate in it and write self-indulgent poetry until I feel silly doing so.))

 

December 17, 2016
Nothing in living is still
From blood to heart to breathing
So do not let one broken heart
Stall you where you stand
You are still among the living
Move along and move on.

 

Melancholy – December 18, 2016
All these years and I still don’t know
To say no to an old friend, returned
How could I when I am so weak
And they know every thought in my head

Old friend, not familiar but former
For good reason
They’ve wronged me, once, thrice
They’re too nice, they’ve welcomed me
Once more in the fold of their arms
Though I’ve ousted them a dozen times before
They’ve noticed now
I never did lock that slammed door
But I should have

A voice like rain on glass, unending
It fades to the background of my perception
But the words, their suggestions
Like raindrops, remain
They stain the fabric of my mind
Discolor it

They sing me praises for lies I tell
Whispers to do well, I’m best on my own
Live alone and unburdened
By frivolous fears
Live alone, independent
Mature beyond years
They guide my hand to cut connections
Dependence is a failing, they croon
Too soon, I’ve realized, they’ll only be
Satisfied if I
Depend upon
Them
To survive

No, I’ve outgrown this; I’ve lived better without this
I know this, there’s no way I’ve missed this
Desired this
But they come with water when I thirst
With blankets when I freeze
With comfort before I realize that
It’s comfort that I need

How do I refuse one armed
With all the words to say
“Just today, isn’t this easy”
“Just listen, you’ll be strong”
I pray I can convince myself
Their falsities are wrong

 

December 19, 2016
What to do when enjoyment tastes
So bitter on the tongue
When true laughter feels like water drunk
Sour, sore, with swallowed pain

What to do when misery tastes
As calming as an herbal tea
The bitterness turned sweet as heat
Soothes away the ache

When company, like room perfumed
Smells loud and cloying, suffocates
As if so sprayed to hide the stench
That humans leave in living

When solitude, like incense lit
Smells smoky, sweet, and whispers
As if to swathe the soul and cloud
The mind that knows too much

 

December 20, 2016
Fiction begets fantasies
And fancies beget flames
They burn the bridges one by one
As you stray from whence you came

 

About Ace Attorney – December 21, 2016
Scriptwriters, please
I’ve played this series
At least a dozen times
I’ve solved the crime
Just let me skip it

 

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4 thoughts on “Poetry: High Negativity

  1. Worth the wait, worth the read. I was feeling a little worried for you, even though I know this is all for stress relief, until I saw the last one. Thanks, Inkscribe, you gave me a good snort.

    I’m glad you have people concerned about you. Sorry about your week. How are you doing?

    Like

    1. I understand myself well enough to know why I feel the way I do, so I’ve been taking measures to get my mood back up. I’m doing better than before, and that’s all that really matters.

      Thank you for your concern, though. I appreciate it.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. WIse words indeed! I’m a great believer in writing as therapy which we all need now and again. Meantime, here’s a quote from Ian McEwan’s latest (very funny) novel, Nutshell: “God said, Let there be pain. And there was poetry. Eventually.”

        Like

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