Ahahaha, I wish. No, this is something I personally find far more intimidating than that. This is about personal improvement.
Wow, those were words I never thought I’d say.
If you’re here for another person trying their hand at internet fame and falling into the abyss, well, this blog certainly has elements of that. Blog of an aspiring writer? Check. Created on a whim? Check. Lack of planning or direction or certainty of what to do? Check. But ultimately, audience or not, this here blog is for me and a practice in self-discovery. Rest assured, that doesn’t mean that there’ll be much personal stuff posted on here, no no no (I’d like to remain mysterious and vaguely intimidating for as long as possible), but this isn’t a blog for an audience. Think of it as more of as a casually open door that you can enter if you wish.
So, what exactly is this blog going to be about?
Well, it’s is 2016. Later on in this year, I’m going to hit the big two-oh (and by the Korean calendar, I already have), and the fact of the matter is, I never really took my aspirations seriously. I talked big, saying I’m going to become a creative writer, but what work have I actually done? (don’t expect me to answer that, it’s embarrassing, i weep)
Well, that’s going to have to change, and no one can change that but me. That’s why I’m devoting this year to becoming a person I am proud to be. Funnily enough, that seems to start with starting a blog, and I don’t know what that means about the kind of person I’m aspiring to become, but whatever – here’s to scratching one resolution off my 2-page, single-spaced, 11pt-font list.
Can we see this supposed resolution list, you know, if it really exists?
Aha, ahaha, I don’t think you want to read half the stuff on that list. Kind of colors the ‘open door’ metaphor with more of an NBC Hannibal aesthetic than I like to reveal on a first encounter. I assure you, it does exist though.
Alright, what kind of a person are you then?
In three words: Writer, Fan, and Editor. Guess that kind of makes me judge, jury, and executioner of the creative world, ahaha. Creative endeavors are such an intrinsic aspect of my identity and self-concept that it pervades each of my waking days. I’m no creative writing major, but at my university, every course I’ve taken has been taken with the thought, “I could use this in something someday”. This is my whole identity we’re talking about here, so let me break this down into more manageable morsels:
I have been writing since 2008. However, I have only been a writer for three months now. What does this mean? No, it doesn’t mean that I’ve only just started to be published. I’m not at that stage of my journey yet. It doesn’t mean I’ve joined a writer’s guild or creative writing course or anything, either.
To put it simply, it means that I’ve finally made a realization: writing flippin’ sucks. Oh, dear god, it’s awful, and I have no escape, please extract me from this hellish mindscape of my own making. You might ask, “Well then, stranger on the internet, why don’t you just stop doing it if you hate it so much?” That would be where you’re wrong, my hapless, web-wandering friend. Writing is something completely necessary to my personal comfort, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t horrible – it’s like, how to put it…
It’s like breathing manually. That’s it. Writing, to me, is like breathing manually: it’s necessary for me to live, but I have to consciously make an effort and remember to do it, and sometimes when I want to dedicate processing space in my head to other aspects of my life, I don’t realize that I’ve forgotten to take in air and that the growing discomfort in my chest is me actually slowly suffocating myself.
Ever since I came to this realization, I’m seeing writing in a new light. It’s not an aspect of myself that I’m ever going to outgrow and not a part of my life that I’ll ever be able to cut out, so I guess that means I’m just going to have to get pretty damn good at it.
I’m not ashamed to admit that I am the most unabashedly enthusiastic fan. Of course, that’s only because this is the internet and none of you know who I am in reality so my cool and competent reputation remains secure, but yeah, there’s nothing wrong with being a fan. As an aspiring creator myself, I become literally giddy when I see someone else’s fantastic creations play out across pages or a screen.
I fawn over writing styles and grow breathless at cinematography. A good video game leaves me reeling for days. Heck, even a masterful web design can set me on a praising tirade to one of the unfortunates who decide to be my friend. I admire and I appreciate, and I am not ashamed of that. I’m sometimes ashamed of how I decide to express my admiration and appreciation (which involves thinking of, talking about, and living for nothing else for at least a week), but never by my capacity to be in awe itself.
Some prominent loves of mine, to give a sense of my tastes:
– A Tiny Feast, a short story by Chris Adrian
– There Will Come Soft Rains, a short story by Ray Bradbury
– The Book Thief, a novel by Markus Zusak
– Dune, a sci-fi novel by Frank Herbert
– Hannibal, a TV show that used to air on NBC
– Hunter x Hunter (2011), a TV show based on a manga by Togashi Yoshihiro
– It’s Just that You’re Somewhere Above Me, a song by Shin Seung Hun
– Sunless Sea, a rogue-like RPG by Failbetter Games
– Undertale, a bullet-hell RPG by Toby Fox (and its outstanding OST!!)
I can enthuse on any of the above for days. Perhaps I’ll go more in depth into the subjects in the future. Above all, I love creations that tell a story that could only be told by its chosen medium. I love creations that could only be made by that one specific creator. Products with heart and products with thought. I am a fan and unashamed to be an avid fan, one who attends conventions and pre-orders and kickstarts, because I have an endless respect for those who create.
Unfortunately for me, I am more renown in my circles as an editor than a writer. Former editor-in-chief of a literary arts magazine, now head copyeditor of a university newspaper, my reputation is that of someone with cold blood and red pen, ahaha. I admit that this is a part of who I am.
I want to create whole worlds and characters that can change lives. That, of course, means I study other works. I’ll say right now that I’m not afraid to say that I am not necessarily a talented individual. I study endlessly, pore over the works that charm me, analyze the ones that don’t, to understand what kind of work it is that I want to make and what kind of work appeals to the audiences I hope to reach.
There’s also the fact that being an editor is wonderful. People trust me to guide them and to give an opinion on creations so dear to them (this isn’t counting the countless school assignments I’m asked to read over, by the way), and I think it a privilege. Helping another aspiring creator get where they want to be gives me hope that I will one day be able to motivate myself to do the same.
Wow, that’s long, are you done yet?
Mmmm… yeah. I guess that’s enough for a first post, eh? If only I wrote so many words in one of my stories this morning instead of starting a blog, ahaha.